So it has been a while. It is safe to say I have been through a lot these past few weeks. I had my birthday, met up with my ex-boyfriend, started Zumba again… But the one thing that has really happened to me was my trip to France with my best friend. While I was there some bad stuff happened, it is so hard to say and so hard to express how I feel about it. However I will cut it short. On our last night out there me and my friend got into an argument while at a bar, we had drunk a couple of drinks to celebrate the ending of our holiday, but we argued and it resulted in her going back to the chalet and leaving me behind at a bar. I thought it was okay as, after all, we were staying on a family campsite. I hung out with some of the staff of the campsite, they were all relatively young and were all friendly. There was a man there who I had seen with children and he was very friendly. He offered to walk me home and on the way home he forced himself on me. I had no desire to have sex with him but he still did it anyway. I was powerless and alone.
After he was done he left me, my friend was worried after not hearing from me for a while and ran out of the chalet to try find me. She found me alone in the dark crying my eyes out. This man, if you can even call him that, raped me and left me. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this happening to me. I assume he drugged he as I was pretty messed up that night. But then I got on a flight back home and my family supported me and the police have been involved ever since. I had to be stripped naked and tested by the police for evidence. Whatever confidence and dignity I had so little of left, was gone. No-one knew whether I was pregnant or picked up any diseases etc. It was just a game of waiting, and that game is the hardest game to play.
This is so hard to talk about, it has been just over a month and I am still pretty rough. People always say this type of assault is awful, before I had thought it was terrible but never really happened. But here I am having to undergo serious counselling and I do not like going anywhere alone. This is the hardest time of my life and I have no idea where to turn. So I am turning to my blog. I know not many people will read this. Some may feel like I am pathetic and some people will pity me. But this is not for those judgemental people, this is for me and also other people who have gone through/ going through what I am having to go through now.
Times like this are truly hard. I carry around an alarm with me to feel safer and I also am looking for self-defense classes. I never ever had imagined myself in this position and to be honest I should not have had to expect this; I was just very unfortunate. I am learning how to trust again, but as you can imagine it is very hard.
If anything has happened to anyone of this sort feel free to message me, or just simply find help yourself. I am obviously not okay at the moment, but I have a great network of people supporting me and it really does make a difference.
I am going to try to post some more,